Invincible Summer

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer." ~Albert Camus

I found this quote in my copy of Courage to Change, which I just received from Amazon this week. It was on the page for a day in January a couple days after discovery, a day which is actually my husband's sobriety date for alcohol and sexual acting out. There was a lot of snow on the ground at the time.

Winter is my least favorite time of year. I hate being cold. Since moving from my temperate-climate part of the country to this college town where they have real (cold, snowy) winters, I've had to really adjust to getting around in several feet of snow. We live in an old house with very little insulation, and heating is an expensive proposition in the wintertime. Discovery came at a time when I was already physically suffering from the weather, and the emotional circumstances fit as well. I was stuck in the snow, and I was stuck in this situation that I couldn't control or change or cure.

The snow is finally gone, both from the ground and from our marriage, one could say. I guess I'm not as stuck in my own fear and denial as I was in the winter, and I have some tools to avoid being stuck in the future. I'm learning how to live with intention now, something I thought I was doing before. I guess I was doing it in some areas of my life, but not in my most intimate relationships.

The above quote gives me a lot of hope, something I don't often get from quotes. I know I'll need that invincible summer within me to get through whatever the future holds.